Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
