I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
