You're my little dorito
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize