i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
