Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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