i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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