We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
