my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Let's paint friendship bongs
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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