if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
