Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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