He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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