8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Randomize
