people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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