I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Someone shattered a urinal.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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