she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Randomize
