Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
