My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
