wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
