when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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