walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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