Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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