Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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