dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Randomize
