He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
