No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
why do cheetos always look like penises
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Is it penis luge time yet?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
