Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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