He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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