I can't watch pbs sober anymore
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
