I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
