I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
