a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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