On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
