Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
