I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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