when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
