my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
