I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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