we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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