I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Randomize
