My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
