Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
