Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
