guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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