Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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