he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
