I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
