can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
