Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
