I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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