How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
