WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
