; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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