So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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