He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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