If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
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