she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
