i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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