Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
