I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
