i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
