Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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