Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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