dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
