She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I am available for nakedness
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
