remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
