I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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