i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
