So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Randomize
