Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
