oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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