Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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