i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize