Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
