she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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