i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm way too hungover for life right now
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize