I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just want nice things and good sex
In other news, I just burned my penis
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
