Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(650): View more from California

There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.

(650): View more from California

I tried to assassinate the ginger baby

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(317): View more from Indiana

I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex

Fav 4 3117 855
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(317): View more from Indiana

It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.

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(512): View more from Texas

I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.

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(519): View more from Ontario

Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?

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(804): View more from Virginia

Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.

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