She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
