There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
