i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
