you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
