I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
