you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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