God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize