Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
