the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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