I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
you never un-have a 4some
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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