do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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