he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
