The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
