im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
